Something Changed.

I don’t know what it is but something feels different. It’s like a presence has been lifted and it took some of the deeper scars of my past with it. The fresh ones are still here and so are most of the old ones, but a few of the more sinister wounds have healed.

It almost feels peaceful in my head, like I can just stay in this moment and ride the wave of serenity. But I know where that wave will lead me. The jagged rocks below the surface will break it into a violent and choppy broil which will cast me down onto the cruel and twisted island that my mind calls home, just as it has countless times before. This short reprieve won’t go unappreciated though; I’ll make the most of it and enjoy myself as much as I can before the storm returns bringing the old clouds with it.

Praying

Last night I prayed to a god I don’t believe in. I prayed for the pain the ease up for just a moment. I prayed for the mental anguish to fade away. I prayed for the voices to stop and their noise to be obscured into nothing but a memory. I prayed for the icy blood to stop pumping through my veins. I prayed for her to be better because that’s what she deserves. I prayed for this to be the last bottle she had to throw. I put my heart into an idea which to me feels like nothing but a way for people to control others because I have nothing left to try. It was a last minute chance like a dying dog getting sudden energy to chase a stick one last time.